Day Two: Love does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

Definitions by Merriam Webster:

Envy: Painful or resentful awareness of an advantage enjoyed by another joined with a desire to possess the same advantage

Boast: To Brag

Proud: having or displaying excessive self-esteem

Today’s topic will not be the most liked blog. This will one will require some honest introspection.

Have you ever spent time with someone where the conversation consisted only of, how great they are, or all that they have accomplished? It is quite draining. It makes it difficult for you to even celebrate in their happiness because they are doing a great job all by themselves. People like this can never be happy for anyone but themselves and find it difficult to love others.

When attempting to identify what love is and what it is not we must journey into the one thing that will get in the way of love every time! Our pride! When we are in love with someone we must be careful not to allow our self-esteem to dominate the relationship. Remember that a relationship by definition requires more than one person! Always remember that the most important person in this relationship is not you.

Think about the last argument that you had with someone you love. Was it because you didn’t get something your way? Did they fail to meet your expectations? Do you tend to point out all of their faults? Were you envious that something good happened for them but not you? Did you take the time to listen to what was bothering them? Did you belittle something that they did and tell them how you would have done it better? How do you talk to others about those you love? Do your words build up or knock down. Love does not humiliate in order to promote itself. Love does not beat someone down nor elevates itself above another. Without an equal playing field love can’t win.

Love “Does not puff itself up”, it says in a different version. As I shared in my previous blog, I had some deep seeded resentment toward my husband in the early stages of our marriage. I thought that I loved him but honestly I was not capable of providing the love that was required for a relationship. Ashamed as I am to admit this now, I spent many years shaming my husband publicly. There were times in social gatherings that I would make insulting comments about my spouse in the name of “joking”. At the time I thought this was funny. I felt entitled to embarrass him in a group of friends to elevate my self-esteem and make him feel less of a man. As I look back on those times, it breaks my heart to think that I would ever treat another human being this way let alone my husband. The one I promised to love, honor and cherish til death do us part.

Love must be shown in humility. No one demonstrated this love better than Jesus. Philippians 2: 5-8 Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death-- even death on a cross!

Jesus never elevated himself over another but on the contrary. He humbled himself over to death. He shamed no one. The only time Jesus looked down at anyone was from the cross. He did not allow how his needs or desires ever to stand in the way of helping another. He became a servant, he was humble. He rejoiced with others and promoted them above himself. He did not demand the disciples fall at his feet, instead he washed theirs. He didn’t just say “I love you” he demonstrated it with every fiber of His being!

So what does real love look like? Love should never be painful either verbally, emotionally, spiritually and especially never physically!!  Love is humble and selfless. Love finds no delight in your shortcoming but celebrates in your victories. Love finds joy in your fulfillment and not in its own. It asks what can I do to serve you, not uses you for what you can provide. Love will respect your dreams, your desires and your needs. For my unmarried friends…love respects you enough to never disrespect you, it is willing to wait! ~Love is not a feeling, it is a decision ~Love Never Fails~

 

Love Is Patient and Kind

Day One- Love is Patient; Love is Kind~1 Cor. 13:4 (NIV)

Our first look into the Biblical definition of love is: it is patient and kind. Compare to the NKJV which reads “love suffers long and is kind”.

Love suffers long sounds a little more intense than patient. Patience is what you need when your spouse leaves the cap off the toothpaste and it leaks all over the counter…the third time this week! Suffers long is when difficulties arise in your relationship and you refuse to allow anger to be your response. The Bible says in 1 Peter 4:8 “Love covers a multitude of sins”. Love should always be your first response no matter the situation.

When we go back to the original meaning of the word used here: in Greek the word means “to maintain internal and external control in a difficult circumstance”. Love covers a bad situation. Love says, I am not happy about what you have done or what has happened but my love for you will not give up!  I will remain calm and work this out with you. God wants our love to look like this! For this is how God loves us!! He remains patient with us when we make mistakes. His love suffers long with us through bad situations. He loves even when we don’t return His love!! He remains faithful, even when we are not. No matter the circumstance, His love for us always prevails. His love covers our multitude of sins.

Love is kind. Kind is such a “nice” word and does not sound too involved and somewhat self-explanatory. The Webster’s defines kind as: affectionate, loving; of a sympathetic or helpful nature, of a forbearing nature. When evaluating your love on this level. How kind are you too your spouse? Are you sympathetic when he/she is hurting? Do you show forbearance when they have wronged you? Are you affectionate and loving? Or only when you what something? The Bible says in Romans 5:8 That God demonstrated his love for us in this, that while we were still sinners Christ died for us. This is what kindness looks like. He loved us so much that He was sympathetic of our situation. He granted forbearance for our sins before we even acknowledged Him; he died for us. He did not die because you were showering Him with love. He died while you were an adulterer.  His love suffers long and is kind.

Maybe as your reading this you are thinking, “I have suffered long”. Then you must ask, have you done it kindly? The key word in this passage is the word AND. Love is patient AND kind. It is very possible to be patient without being kind. I see this in many relationships, including my own. At the beginning of my 23 years of marriage, although I was ready for love, my spouse was not. I was patient. I fought the good fight, and I suffered long to keep our love alive. Over the years I have allowed my love to cover a lot mistakes. I had forgiven more times than I could count, but then lived the life of a victim. You see, I was not kind about it. I knew he didn’t deserve forgiveness. I was quick to remind him of those times he hurt me. I suffered long, but required him to repay me every day since then. This is not kindness. Kindness is an act of forbearance. Forbearance says you can never pay back your debt and therefore I will stop demanding payment.

So what does real love look like: It is willing to wait for you! In love you are not fearful to make a mistake or to confess your failures. A place where you have no fear that love will be abandoned when times get tough. When finances are strained. When physical aliment arises. When you fall down, love will pick you up. Love should always be the strongest emotional response to every situation. It will plead on your behalf, even when you are wrong. It should grant you forbearance, even when you don’t deserve it and will not hold it over your head in order to control you. Love will love you when times are good. Love will still be there when times are not good. ~ Love is a not a feeling, it is a decision! ~ Love Never Fails!