This week has been one of the longest weeks of my life. I can't sit still. I check my phone every few minutes when I am away from home. I jump up at every sudden groan or minch of pain. I search for a solid night of sleep yet, it eludes me. The day of great expectation awaits....yes...the arrival of my first grandchild. She was scheduled to arrive last Wednesday but apparently someone forgot to tell her that. She even tricked us once last week. My son called and said it was time, could I grab that bag that was nicely packed and awaiting such a day as this. As I ran into the room where the bag was kept I paused briefly to touch the bassinet that is all ready for her to sleep in. I glanced over at the tiny dresses that hung on the hangers, washed and waiting for her to try on. The excitement overwelmed me and a tear ran down my cheek. Tonight I will finally meet her face to face.
We rushed to my daughter-in-laws bedside, being sure to take lots of pictures of the crib that was staged just for her arrival. As each contraction came quicker and more intense we waited with great expectation for what was to come. Hours passed and finally a doctor walked into the room to inform us that it was only false labor and they were sending her back home. The disappointment enveloped us like a wet blanket as I faithfully gathered up the bag and headed home. I dropped the bag back into the room and glanced over at the bassinet one more time. I let out a sigh of longing and headed to bed for the night. Like a child on Christmas Eve, I slept.
Now a week later the anticipation is uncontainable. We all know it is coming... it can't be stopped...it will happen eventually...but when? Isn't it amazing that you could love somebody so much that you have never met and at the same time it feels like you have been waiting for and loving them your entire life?
In this waiting I feel the conviction of the Spirit. (Romans 8:19-25) I love Jesus with all of my heart and soul but I have gotten to a place in my life that no longer seeks Him with "great expectation". I don't sense the joy I once had at awaiting His arrival. I may have even unpacked my bag. The worries and frustrations in this world weigh me down and what may have started as contractions could have very easily been false labor.
I was once so sure of what God wanted for my life. I was eager when at the time of conception. I was excited as I grew in the ability to carry out this plan. I have even felt peace during times of great labor pains, knowing that it would one day produce great joy. As time passed I had begun to forget that purpose, the plan that had left me pregnant with possibility. Through it all I had forgotten the bigger purpose, the one that would produce the greatest joy.
I thank God that through this He has reminded me of Who He Is and Who I am in Him.
Tonight I want to encourage any of you who are waiting on a promise...Do not lose heart. Remember that just like pregnancy it is coming, it can't be stopped, eventually it will arrive. Regardless, of what promises we feel we miss out on in this world know that an even greater expectation awaits...we must be ready for it to arrive. We need to pack our bags, get the house in order, wait with eager expectation! For He is coming, He can't be stopped. He wants to meet you face to face. He has loved you for and with His whole life. He has prepared a place just for you. Clean clothes are hung waiting for you to try on. He longs to hold you the one He loved long before you were even born.
Your Father loves you and knows everything that you are in need, He has not forgotten or given up on you....wait with eager expectation, endure the pain of the labor for Joy comes in the morning.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Tough Times Calls for Tough Love
I have been struggling for some time now with my place of employment. Without going into detail (as I have learned that releasing angry is really rehearsing anger and therefore makes you more angry) I will simply say that the devil don't scare me anymore cause I am a manager at his office everyday from 9 to 5. Okay, Okay...see there I go again. Let me try again...my job is extremely stressful and an unhealthy environment and well that is all I can really say on public record.
It is time for me to leave. I know this because I have reached that point of no return...I cannot rest, sleep and my only desire at the end of the day is to check to see if my fields are ready for harvesting (farmville insider). The sounding alarm in the morning begins a new day of survival...I start with prayer. My prayer usually something along the lines of "God please don't let me lose my temper today." "And PLLLLEEASE let one of the 6,000 resumes I sent out provoke someone to pick up the phone and free me from my misery."
Ever worked here? It is a rough place to be.
I finally however, did reach my breaking point. I came home from work, walked in the house so enraged by my job that I had no emotional energy left to answer my families "how was your day" questioning. I went into my room and began to pray, "God, something has got to change". His answer, "Yes child and it is you."
Did you ever experience one of those eye-opening, mouth-gaping responses from God? Yeah, I think it is what professionals refer to as "tough love". That is our God, loves us too much to allow us to sit and have a pity party for ourselves on His watch!
So I asked how I could change in the midst of this situation. I had a thousand excuses why it was impossible but was willing to do anything.
I felt led to enter into a time of fasting; a Daniel fast. I had never done this before so I had to do much research in order to understand all that was involved. Other then Jesus, Daniel is my most favorite character in the Bible. Daniel was an awesome man of faith. He never let anything deter him from his love for God. He was integral and faithful and in the midst of every challenging situation his character remained the same. Yes, I want to be like Daniel and so I was excited to begin the journey.
It has been 8 days since I began this fast and I have come to realize that in ALL things God is always moving and working to bring us into some kind of knowledge of His truth. For me it was a knowledge of the truth of myself, a "character check" if you will. It has taught me for as much as I think that I am spiritually strong...I live my life on the brink of emotion. From emotion I cannot see the other side of this dark tunnel. I forget what God has called me to do. I am sad and depressed on some days and on others just a caged raging animal ready to snap at the closest hand. But God did not call us to run on emotion he called us to walk in the Spirit. Sometimes the only way we can walk in the spirit is to quiet the flesh. It is when we silence all the distractions, ignore the cravings and seek the voice of God, that we can hear what He is say about our situations.
I have been journaling my experiences and at a later date I will share them with you but for now. I want to encourage anyone who is going through hard times to get alone with God, examine your own heart before Him and ask God what is it in me that needs to change. God cannot change those around you who are unwilling to submit to His voice, but YOU if you are willing--that He can work with. He wants us to come a little closer, go up a little higher from here we can see from a different perspective. Change is possible but not in the ways you may have imagined; the change may need to take place in you.
Psalm 139: 23-24 (NIV) "Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."
Psalm 61:2 (KJV) "From the ends of the earth I cry out to you when my heart is overwhelmed; lead me to the rock that is higher than I."
It is time for me to leave. I know this because I have reached that point of no return...I cannot rest, sleep and my only desire at the end of the day is to check to see if my fields are ready for harvesting (farmville insider). The sounding alarm in the morning begins a new day of survival...I start with prayer. My prayer usually something along the lines of "God please don't let me lose my temper today." "And PLLLLEEASE let one of the 6,000 resumes I sent out provoke someone to pick up the phone and free me from my misery."
Ever worked here? It is a rough place to be.
I finally however, did reach my breaking point. I came home from work, walked in the house so enraged by my job that I had no emotional energy left to answer my families "how was your day" questioning. I went into my room and began to pray, "God, something has got to change". His answer, "Yes child and it is you."
Did you ever experience one of those eye-opening, mouth-gaping responses from God? Yeah, I think it is what professionals refer to as "tough love". That is our God, loves us too much to allow us to sit and have a pity party for ourselves on His watch!
So I asked how I could change in the midst of this situation. I had a thousand excuses why it was impossible but was willing to do anything.
I felt led to enter into a time of fasting; a Daniel fast. I had never done this before so I had to do much research in order to understand all that was involved. Other then Jesus, Daniel is my most favorite character in the Bible. Daniel was an awesome man of faith. He never let anything deter him from his love for God. He was integral and faithful and in the midst of every challenging situation his character remained the same. Yes, I want to be like Daniel and so I was excited to begin the journey.
It has been 8 days since I began this fast and I have come to realize that in ALL things God is always moving and working to bring us into some kind of knowledge of His truth. For me it was a knowledge of the truth of myself, a "character check" if you will. It has taught me for as much as I think that I am spiritually strong...I live my life on the brink of emotion. From emotion I cannot see the other side of this dark tunnel. I forget what God has called me to do. I am sad and depressed on some days and on others just a caged raging animal ready to snap at the closest hand. But God did not call us to run on emotion he called us to walk in the Spirit. Sometimes the only way we can walk in the spirit is to quiet the flesh. It is when we silence all the distractions, ignore the cravings and seek the voice of God, that we can hear what He is say about our situations.
I have been journaling my experiences and at a later date I will share them with you but for now. I want to encourage anyone who is going through hard times to get alone with God, examine your own heart before Him and ask God what is it in me that needs to change. God cannot change those around you who are unwilling to submit to His voice, but YOU if you are willing--that He can work with. He wants us to come a little closer, go up a little higher from here we can see from a different perspective. Change is possible but not in the ways you may have imagined; the change may need to take place in you.
Psalm 139: 23-24 (NIV) "Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."
Psalm 61:2 (KJV) "From the ends of the earth I cry out to you when my heart is overwhelmed; lead me to the rock that is higher than I."
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
The After Christmas Message
So what was it? You know that one thing you were hoping to find under your tree but didn’t. You try to hide the disappointment from the eager faces of your family who are demanding to see the look of awe as you unwrap yet another pair of slippers from that gold tinted paper. “Ahhh, just what I wanted”, you lied (again this year). Well, I will tell you what mine was a Cannon Rebel professional digital camera (from Dan’s Camera City). Now I realize that it costs about $1500.00 but come on its Christmas after all. What the fat guy in the red suit was affected by the economy as well? It’s not like I asked for a Red Ryder BB Gun, the potential to “shoot my eye out” is not a valid excuse as it was for poor Ralphie in A Christmas Story.
I know, I know, it is the thought that counts. And yes, I loved the gifts that I received, the new PJ’s, the bracelet, the Barnes and Noble gift card (oh yeah), and the clothes. And thank God for teenage daughters who can carefully assist your husband in the selection of your new attire. My daughter must constantly remind my husband that I am not in sales (street sales that is). Yes, everything I got was beautiful…yet…it wasn’t what I wanted. Of course all of my fellow believers are probably gasping at my lack of gratitude on such a holy occasion. It’s Jesus’ birthday they will say. Yes, this I know…but I still want the camera and I am sure that although they may not admit it openly…there was something they were all looking for under their tree as well. And I believe if we were to look close enough we were not the first generation of ungrateful Christmas gift openers. Let’s take a look.
Matthew 1:21 (NIV) 21 She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins."
The angel appeared to both Mary and to Joseph and announced that the child shall be called “Jesus” which translated means “he saves”. So the original gift on Christmas day was the gift of salvation. That was the plan, the purpose, the eternal promise…a gift that would keep on giving, one might say. After Jesus grew up and began His public ministry people were in awe of the miracles, the healings, the incredible and unbelievable words that poured from His lips. They were thankful for the gift; the one “who saves”. They followed Him and worshipped Him. Yet, on one particular day before He would be crucified their worship brought Him to tears…why?
Matthew 21:8-9 (NIV) 8 A very large crowd spread their cloaks on the road, while others cut branches from the trees and spread them on the road. 9 The crowds that went ahead of him and those that followed shouted, "Hosanna to the Son of David!" "Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord!" "Hosanna in the highest!"
Luke 19:41-42 (NKJV)41 Now as He drew near, He saw the city and wept over it, 42 saying, "If you had known, even you, especially in this your day, the things that make for your peace! But now they are hidden from your eyes.
I believe that the reason Jesus wept because after all He had done they still didn’t get it. Jesus was supposed to “save” but from what exactly? In the book of Matthew it says the crowd (even the disciples) shouted Hosanna which means “He saves now”. You see they were not looking for the eternal salvation that Jesus was bringing to them. They were looking for a Savior from the government’s oppression. They wanted deliverance not from their sins but from their situation. They did not care about eternal life, they wanted a comfortable life. They wanted a Santa Claus to bring them gifts that spoil the soul not save it. Can you imagine that after 2,000 years we are still the same greedy people as those who were able to walk and talk with the gift of salvation?
Imagine as Jesus rode on that donkey…looking out among the crowd as they shouted and celebrated their “hero” that was going to overthrow the government. It is hard being misunderstood but to that degree it had to be unimaginable. He knew what His future held. It was almost time for His departure. All the efforts He had made to get them to realize what He was here to do was about to dissipate in a hail storm of false accusations and eventually a sentence of death. How would these people react when they realized the gift they thought they’d been given was recalled? Their dreams of freedom from their oppression was about to be shattered.
Imagine the loneliness as He hung on that cross looking into the disappointed faces of those He was willing to die for. “He saves. Ha. He can’t even save Himself,” some were heard saying. The disciples scattered. One of His own had even become the betrayer who handed Him over to death. Everyone else denied even knowing Him. He was the greatest gift not under a tree but hanging upon one. No flashy paper. No ribbon. Just a half naked man covered in blood…an unsightly but undeniable gift to the world. Who was willing to receive it? Not many. Why?
I remember when I was just nine years old the one gift that I had been denied on Christmas morning, roller skates. I wanted a pair so badly. I was one of the only kids that had to use the rentals on Friday skate nights (it was quite embarrassing). When I did not find them under my tree at home I was sure they would be at Grandma’s house. She was always good at knowing exactly what we wanted. That year she had surprisingly decided to skip Christmas shopping and instead gave us all a 100$ savings bond. I was appalled. What kid on the face of the earth wants that for Christmas? I would have to wait 7 years to use it to buy my skates and by that time, well, I could drive to the skating rink. Funny, that I remember the one thing I didn’t get but I can’t tell you one other thing I got that year except that stupid savings bond.
The reason we are so disappointed on Christmas morning is also the same reason so many people will walk away from God in this New Year. We fail to recognize the gift we have been given. We are so busy asking for the temporal blessings that we stop being in awe of the eternal blessing. Jesus came to save the world from their sins. In doing this he opened the door to an eternal relationship with the God of Heaven. Just like the saving bond the value of the gift would not be redeemable until we stood before Him face to face. Could you imagine if we could have just a momentary glance into paradise…would our Christmas list look a little different?
Could you imagine if someone were to buy me a pair of skates now? What would my response be? I don’t know about you but I want to start seeking the gifts of God that are eternal that can never grow old or be recalled. Our Christmas list should look something like this:
This year I want the gift of your forgiveness, I want the gift of peace, I want the gift of faith, I want the gift of love, I want the gift of joy…not that temporal joy that comes with monetary or material gifts but the joy I feel when I know that you are pleased with me. I want the gift of prayer, I want the gift of compassion and grace for everyone else in my life…not to receive their praise but that through my life they may come to know you. I want a savings bond…I want Jesus’ gift of eternal salvation that was paid for on the cross and granted by an empty tomb and promised for those who believe in Him to be my greatest desire. And finally, I want to only ever be disappointed again when I fail to walk worthy of this gift.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
I know, I know, it is the thought that counts. And yes, I loved the gifts that I received, the new PJ’s, the bracelet, the Barnes and Noble gift card (oh yeah), and the clothes. And thank God for teenage daughters who can carefully assist your husband in the selection of your new attire. My daughter must constantly remind my husband that I am not in sales (street sales that is). Yes, everything I got was beautiful…yet…it wasn’t what I wanted. Of course all of my fellow believers are probably gasping at my lack of gratitude on such a holy occasion. It’s Jesus’ birthday they will say. Yes, this I know…but I still want the camera and I am sure that although they may not admit it openly…there was something they were all looking for under their tree as well. And I believe if we were to look close enough we were not the first generation of ungrateful Christmas gift openers. Let’s take a look.
Matthew 1:21 (NIV) 21 She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins."
The angel appeared to both Mary and to Joseph and announced that the child shall be called “Jesus” which translated means “he saves”. So the original gift on Christmas day was the gift of salvation. That was the plan, the purpose, the eternal promise…a gift that would keep on giving, one might say. After Jesus grew up and began His public ministry people were in awe of the miracles, the healings, the incredible and unbelievable words that poured from His lips. They were thankful for the gift; the one “who saves”. They followed Him and worshipped Him. Yet, on one particular day before He would be crucified their worship brought Him to tears…why?
Matthew 21:8-9 (NIV) 8 A very large crowd spread their cloaks on the road, while others cut branches from the trees and spread them on the road. 9 The crowds that went ahead of him and those that followed shouted, "Hosanna to the Son of David!" "Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord!" "Hosanna in the highest!"
Luke 19:41-42 (NKJV)41 Now as He drew near, He saw the city and wept over it, 42 saying, "If you had known, even you, especially in this your day, the things that make for your peace! But now they are hidden from your eyes.
I believe that the reason Jesus wept because after all He had done they still didn’t get it. Jesus was supposed to “save” but from what exactly? In the book of Matthew it says the crowd (even the disciples) shouted Hosanna which means “He saves now”. You see they were not looking for the eternal salvation that Jesus was bringing to them. They were looking for a Savior from the government’s oppression. They wanted deliverance not from their sins but from their situation. They did not care about eternal life, they wanted a comfortable life. They wanted a Santa Claus to bring them gifts that spoil the soul not save it. Can you imagine that after 2,000 years we are still the same greedy people as those who were able to walk and talk with the gift of salvation?
Imagine as Jesus rode on that donkey…looking out among the crowd as they shouted and celebrated their “hero” that was going to overthrow the government. It is hard being misunderstood but to that degree it had to be unimaginable. He knew what His future held. It was almost time for His departure. All the efforts He had made to get them to realize what He was here to do was about to dissipate in a hail storm of false accusations and eventually a sentence of death. How would these people react when they realized the gift they thought they’d been given was recalled? Their dreams of freedom from their oppression was about to be shattered.
Imagine the loneliness as He hung on that cross looking into the disappointed faces of those He was willing to die for. “He saves. Ha. He can’t even save Himself,” some were heard saying. The disciples scattered. One of His own had even become the betrayer who handed Him over to death. Everyone else denied even knowing Him. He was the greatest gift not under a tree but hanging upon one. No flashy paper. No ribbon. Just a half naked man covered in blood…an unsightly but undeniable gift to the world. Who was willing to receive it? Not many. Why?
I remember when I was just nine years old the one gift that I had been denied on Christmas morning, roller skates. I wanted a pair so badly. I was one of the only kids that had to use the rentals on Friday skate nights (it was quite embarrassing). When I did not find them under my tree at home I was sure they would be at Grandma’s house. She was always good at knowing exactly what we wanted. That year she had surprisingly decided to skip Christmas shopping and instead gave us all a 100$ savings bond. I was appalled. What kid on the face of the earth wants that for Christmas? I would have to wait 7 years to use it to buy my skates and by that time, well, I could drive to the skating rink. Funny, that I remember the one thing I didn’t get but I can’t tell you one other thing I got that year except that stupid savings bond.
The reason we are so disappointed on Christmas morning is also the same reason so many people will walk away from God in this New Year. We fail to recognize the gift we have been given. We are so busy asking for the temporal blessings that we stop being in awe of the eternal blessing. Jesus came to save the world from their sins. In doing this he opened the door to an eternal relationship with the God of Heaven. Just like the saving bond the value of the gift would not be redeemable until we stood before Him face to face. Could you imagine if we could have just a momentary glance into paradise…would our Christmas list look a little different?
Could you imagine if someone were to buy me a pair of skates now? What would my response be? I don’t know about you but I want to start seeking the gifts of God that are eternal that can never grow old or be recalled. Our Christmas list should look something like this:
This year I want the gift of your forgiveness, I want the gift of peace, I want the gift of faith, I want the gift of love, I want the gift of joy…not that temporal joy that comes with monetary or material gifts but the joy I feel when I know that you are pleased with me. I want the gift of prayer, I want the gift of compassion and grace for everyone else in my life…not to receive their praise but that through my life they may come to know you. I want a savings bond…I want Jesus’ gift of eternal salvation that was paid for on the cross and granted by an empty tomb and promised for those who believe in Him to be my greatest desire. And finally, I want to only ever be disappointed again when I fail to walk worthy of this gift.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
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