I have been struggling for some time now with my place of employment. Without going into detail (as I have learned that releasing angry is really rehearsing anger and therefore makes you more angry) I will simply say that the devil don't scare me anymore cause I am a manager at his office everyday from 9 to 5. Okay, Okay...see there I go again. Let me try again...my job is extremely stressful and an unhealthy environment and well that is all I can really say on public record.
It is time for me to leave. I know this because I have reached that point of no return...I cannot rest, sleep and my only desire at the end of the day is to check to see if my fields are ready for harvesting (farmville insider). The sounding alarm in the morning begins a new day of survival...I start with prayer. My prayer usually something along the lines of "God please don't let me lose my temper today." "And PLLLLEEASE let one of the 6,000 resumes I sent out provoke someone to pick up the phone and free me from my misery."
Ever worked here? It is a rough place to be.
I finally however, did reach my breaking point. I came home from work, walked in the house so enraged by my job that I had no emotional energy left to answer my families "how was your day" questioning. I went into my room and began to pray, "God, something has got to change". His answer, "Yes child and it is you."
Did you ever experience one of those eye-opening, mouth-gaping responses from God? Yeah, I think it is what professionals refer to as "tough love". That is our God, loves us too much to allow us to sit and have a pity party for ourselves on His watch!
So I asked how I could change in the midst of this situation. I had a thousand excuses why it was impossible but was willing to do anything.
I felt led to enter into a time of fasting; a Daniel fast. I had never done this before so I had to do much research in order to understand all that was involved. Other then Jesus, Daniel is my most favorite character in the Bible. Daniel was an awesome man of faith. He never let anything deter him from his love for God. He was integral and faithful and in the midst of every challenging situation his character remained the same. Yes, I want to be like Daniel and so I was excited to begin the journey.
It has been 8 days since I began this fast and I have come to realize that in ALL things God is always moving and working to bring us into some kind of knowledge of His truth. For me it was a knowledge of the truth of myself, a "character check" if you will. It has taught me for as much as I think that I am spiritually strong...I live my life on the brink of emotion. From emotion I cannot see the other side of this dark tunnel. I forget what God has called me to do. I am sad and depressed on some days and on others just a caged raging animal ready to snap at the closest hand. But God did not call us to run on emotion he called us to walk in the Spirit. Sometimes the only way we can walk in the spirit is to quiet the flesh. It is when we silence all the distractions, ignore the cravings and seek the voice of God, that we can hear what He is say about our situations.
I have been journaling my experiences and at a later date I will share them with you but for now. I want to encourage anyone who is going through hard times to get alone with God, examine your own heart before Him and ask God what is it in me that needs to change. God cannot change those around you who are unwilling to submit to His voice, but YOU if you are willing--that He can work with. He wants us to come a little closer, go up a little higher from here we can see from a different perspective. Change is possible but not in the ways you may have imagined; the change may need to take place in you.
Psalm 139: 23-24 (NIV) "Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."
Psalm 61:2 (KJV) "From the ends of the earth I cry out to you when my heart is overwhelmed; lead me to the rock that is higher than I."
