Toll Road

Having spent most of my life geographically sheltered...I find that at 37 years old I am somewhat directional dyslexic. You see I discovered this truth about myself last week as I was attempting to get home from the Doctor's office. The same doctor's office that I have been traveling to and from for the past 7 years.

It was getting late, we had been at the doctors office this day longer than expected. Jordan had to get to her dance practice and time was of the essence. So I decided that I would take a "short cut". Now that I am all grown up and everything in terms of highway driving, I decided that the fastest way home was the highway. I could jump on the highway and be home five minutes faster.

I have two choices, East or West...hmmmm....they both sounded so good. I chose East. A few minutes into the drive I realized that the exit I probably wanted to take was flashing past the passenger window. "Just play it cool", I told myself. Don't let Jordan know that I missed our exit. I would just get off at the next exit and act as if nothing was wrong. As I pull onto the off ramp I notice a sign, TOLL ROAD. "Oh, this is not going to be good". I pull up to the ticket both, still playing it cool, I take out a ticket as if this what I meant to do.
Jordan finally notices that something is seriously wrong. "Mom, where are we going".
"Home", I reassured her.
"Uhh, I don't ever remember us having to get a ticket", she says.
"That's because we are taking a different route", I said defending my lie.
"Mom, we are lost aren't we", she stated matter-of-factly.
"Okay, yes I got off at the wrong exit", I answered as I took the ramp towards Scranton. (Which I learned shortly was the second mistake).
"Just do me a favor plug in that GPS and type in our address I have to see where the next exit is."
Jordan finishes plugging in our address and finally the robotic voice comes to life..."Proceed 16 miles".
Oh, Lord. This was going to be a long ride. We traveled up and down the mountains and at one point even through a mountain; twice. My daughter sat laughing in tears while I fumed the highways. I just wanted to get home.

Two more wrong turns and two tolls (totaling $3.75) later, what should have taken me ten minutes ended up taking me one hour and forty-five minutes to accomplish.
As I look back, all I could think of was, thank God I had a GPS, a few dollar bills and a full tank of gas or this could have ended much differently.

You know that day I was so frustrated with myself. All the years I have been driving in the same city and I still get lost all the time. (Which is why my husband bought me the GPS in the first place). I hate that feeling of driving down the highway and everything looks strange, exit signs for towns I have never heard of, all while driving at a high rate of speed. I always give way to panic when I am in this place. I just wanted to get home and without the aid of that GPS I would never have found my way there. I was also disturbed by this encounter as I realized that driving is not the only place that leaves me feeling lost, unsure and panicked. I have also been feeling this way spiritually.

I try to act as if I know my way home with God. At times I can be confident of his call and his leading. I will jump onto the highway and go without forethought. Sometime later, I find myself lost on a highway unsure of which direction I am facing. It is always at times like now, when I have so many distractions in my life. I don't have time to plug in the GPS, I don't have time to listen for the leading and direction of the Holy Spirit. I take a wrong turn on my own hunch, in the hopes that the right exit will be just ahead. Then I am suprised when that decision takes me even further away from home then I expected. I feel panicked, I hate being lost, I just want to get home.

The wrong turn for me is usually when I get so caught up in the work of God that I don't take time for a relationship with God. I get so busy traveling down the road of ministry...65 mph, low on gas, bright orange warning signs a blur in my rear view mirrors and no money to pay the tolls that will be required as a result of my error. Eventually, I reach a dead end, run out of gas or spend everything I have left. Then and only then do I know what I need to do.
I plug back into the voice of the one who can lead me. I allow the tolls to serve as a reminder for my waywardness. I make sure that I am fueled by the power of the Holy Spirit and not myself. I do want to get home one day but not because I am a good driver but because I get navigate His direction well.